[00:00:05] Speaker A: Welcome to the Clear Impact Podcast, brought to you by PGTI University. Thanks for joining us today. My name is Sherry Connor and I am your host.
[00:00:17] Speaker B: Good afternoon. Welcome to the Clear Impact podcast. We are in our final episode of the Leadership series with Brian Lingle. So welcome back to the studio, Brian.
[00:00:26] Speaker C: Thanks for having me. Glad to be here.
[00:00:27] Speaker B: Yeah, this has been a fun series. I'm so excited to talk to people who care about what the topic is and don't feel like they got their arm twisted to come in. And so this is our final book, which is the third in the series. And this is from Arbinger Institute. And so this book is called The Anatomy of Peace. And you've been teaching on this for the last year, a year and a half or so. And so the first book is The Outward Mindset, and the second book is Leadership and Self Deception. And then the third one is Anatomy of Peace. And so within Arbinger and within this book, how are they defining peace?
[00:01:04] Speaker C: Yeah, so when we think about sort of peace, or we think about war in the context of what we're looking at, we go back to what we've been talking about in the previous sessions. Where am I at from an inward or outward mindset and how I operate, right? What's that look like? And so thinking about it from the standpoint of being at peace, or peace, if you will, would be how am I existing in an outward mindset where I'm alive, to how I am seeing others? What's that look like in my day to day operation? So that being more the lens of how I operate than the lens of being inward or in the box, how am I seeing someone as a person or how am I seeing someone as an object? And so then when we recognize that sort of we're there, we see that, then that's a whole, that part of like, well, what am I going to war over? When I'm inward or I'm in the box, I'm seeing someone as an object. Again, the entire focus of that is myself. And so then my interactions with that individual are going to be tainted in that regard. Whereas when I am out of the box and I am really seeing someone in a way that they're a person, they have wants, they have needs, they have desires, my interaction with them is going to be tainted in that direction.
[00:02:11] Speaker B: And so if I'm in the box, I'm probably more at war. And that starts with me.
[00:02:17] Speaker C: Yeah, it goes back to what we talked about, being self aware, right. Being alive, to the fact that you're in the box towards somebody, if you will. Your interactions towards them are going to be through that lens. You're seeing things from your perspective and your perspective alone, right? Your wants, your needs, your desires, whatever that might be, not even taking that other person into consideration. They really are that object, that vehicle, that irrelevance, that inconvenience. They're that thing, if you will, that is preventing you from winning the war. Right.
[00:02:48] Speaker B: Yeah. It's the person who didn't get the report done that you need to give to your boss, and they're going into a meeting, and they need those numbers and where are they and why didn't you get that done?
[00:02:58] Speaker C: Exactly. And again, we mentioned this earlier, those reports are needed. So it's not as if we're not saying that we're excusing behaviors by this in the box, out of the box. That's not what we're talking about. It's really getting to the heart of why hasn't someone been able to get you what is needed? What has happened there? Do we even understand that? So, again, it goes back to just simply being curious with people and trying to understand what's going on. And again, because it's not about not being willing to have hard conversations, hold people accountable, because true servant leadership, really, that's what it's about. Because if I truly care about you, I am going to hold you accountable. If I don't care about you, I'm not going to hold you accountable. I'll let you do whatever you want. Right. But if I care about you and I really say that you matter to me or I see you as a person, then I'm going to have those conversations. I'm going to dig in and be curious about why you can't bring the trash cans back from the trash like we've talked about in previous Mike.
[00:03:52] Speaker B: Right, right.
[00:03:53] Speaker C: Because why? Because you matter. You matter. You have value. You have worth. You matter. And I want to understand what that looks like. So just like with the report or anything else, it's again, not that we're not going to address those things. It's just how do we go about doing that?
[00:04:06] Speaker B: So what's a good practical way for people to go from in the box to out of the box? Do they just take a five minute break and breathe deeply and sit and reflect, or what would be your recommendation?
[00:04:21] Speaker C: I think a lot of this is self discovery about what your flags are. We call them red flags. So we go through that and we deal with self betrayal. Really kind of just being alive to what triggers me, or what are the red flags that I've got to be aware of in my own life in regards to when I'm probably in the box towards somebody and we operate? I think in certain boxes, like when I'm at home, I walk around a lot of times in my I deserve box. That's the one I carry. When I'm out here at work my life, I need to be seen as a box I'll put on. So I already know that about myself and I don't have to really work really hard to get into that box. I'm usually like it's comfortable. Yeah. Because that's what I've habitually done. So I think a lot of that is just being truthful with yourself about, okay, wait a minute, it's not really that complicated. I know why I'm doing it because I feel like you're disrespecting me and immediately that's going to color how I respond to you and what that looks like or you didn't do what you were supposed to do or whatever. So it's having that honest forthright conversation with yourself about those very things. Now you have got to want to do that. I think that's important. You have got to not want to be at war. Does that make sense? I think there's got to be something where you're like, look, I don't want to be in this warring situation. As I shared with you examples from the trainings we've done, a lot of people are at war for a long time. They stay in that battle and they're weary from it, but yet it's what they know. It's what's comfortable, as you said. So I think there's just a need for us to be aware of the fact that I don't want to do this anymore and I'm willing to fight against everything within me that I have created that feels normative because I've been doing it for so long, right? But I'm not getting the best result I could. There's got to be a better way. If I can just get curious about that and really kind of dig in on that and I can just kind of stay with that and really explore, okay, what do I need to do here in the midst of this? And how do I look at that person to see them as a person, as someone as wants, as needs, as desires and just be alive to that? Sort of just dig in on that a little bit. That's where I think you start turning the tables on it, start gaining some traction.
[00:06:28] Speaker A: Be sure to tune in for upcoming episodes to help you understand the fenestration industry. What you need to know when buying windows and doors and other related topics. You can find out more about
[email protected]. You can also find us on Facebook and LinkedIn.
[00:06:46] Speaker B: Well, and a lot of times too when people are frustrated or stressed out or whatever with their job, because that's kind of the context of what we're talking about. The natural inclination is to change the job or go to a different team or go to a different company or maybe I just don't want to be in Florida anymore. Maybe I would be happier in California or wherever. But wherever you go, there you are the common.
And so tell my kids that all the time, right? Different faces, different places, same you. And so if there are things that aren't working, the best place to start is within.
[00:07:19] Speaker C: Exactly.
[00:07:19] Speaker B: Because then the rest will follow suit. And it's really fun to just I love this kind of stuff too. Just to observe differences in attitudes of people who are brand new, who just started and then people who've been here for 20 years and just to kind of, you know and fortunately, there are very few people here who have been here for that long who have bad attitudes. Most of them have really phenomenal attitudes, which is why they're wonderful to work with. And I think about my teammate, Patrick Jameson, who he's like, Is it Monday yet? I can't wait. And I was just like, okay, you could tone that down just a little.
[00:07:57] Speaker C: Bit, back it off, right?
[00:07:59] Speaker B: He's like, I'm so sad. It's Friday. I have to wait two more days to come back to work. I'm like, okay, now you're being ridiculous. But that is genuinely his attitude. He loves what he does, and it's a joy to work with him.
[00:08:11] Speaker C: Oh, very much so.
[00:08:12] Speaker B: And I think about we have onboarding our team that helps onboard sales. And so I get to meet the fresh people that are coming in all the time, and it really is fun to meet them and to have that enthusiasm. And they're bright eyed and bushy tailed and first day of my new job, and here I am. And you're just like, oh, this is a good company. They are, but it's a great organization.
[00:08:32] Speaker C: It is not that we're perfect by any measure. We've got our flaws, as any organization does. But I think a company that's willing we just launched a new series on Mondays in Our Mindset Monday class that I talked about becoming fully accountable. It's a great series. It's one of my favorites, but it's one of the most painful ones to go through. And the first video series we watch is a gentleman named Warren that they talk about as the focus. And he was at war with everyone, and it kind of talks about Warren, and he was right. He was really good at what he did. And the CEO of the company came and said to him, you know, it's not always enough to just be right. It said, It matters more than just being right. It's how you impact people. And no one wanted to work with this guy, right? He was just no one they wanted to work with. And when he had that interaction, something, a light went off with him, and he dawned on him that, you know what? It's just not about being right. He goes, I'm not really helping anyone. And so they tell this story of this transformation in this guy where he came alive to the fact that he wasn't helping people. He might be right, but he wasn't helping anyone. If anything, he was hurting people. And talked about this transformation, and I thought there was a thing that was interesting. He was at a point in his life that he had pretty much accomplished what he wanted to. He was at a season in his life where he could have gave two rips for people. He was towards the end of the journey, but he said, you know what, I want to change. I don't want to do this anymore. I really want to help people. And they kind of walk you through this journey that he takes as he really gets transformed because they talked about earlier, no one wanted to work to him to where at the end they were asking to work with him. So it was this kind of like unbelievable sort of transformation that took place when he really held himself accountable for how he impacted people. And so we think about this war or peace or what's that look like, which are we choosing to be at? Because we're going to have people in our lives and especially within a work environment that might not buy into principles or things that we put forth and they're really going to be about something else. So there's going to be an invitation there to go to war. And you can do that, you can jump in and square off, but there's a lot of collateral damage when that happens. A lot of stuff that takes place that can be really, really bad within organizations and that we see that and that collusion can really take place where you have these environments where it's just really nasty. We're just saying, no, we don't want to be a part of that.
[00:10:41] Speaker B: I heard a question many years ago and it was do you want to be right or do you want to be happy? And my answer was yes.
What do you mean? I have to choose.
But yeah, there is some truth to that. And being a bulldozer can come easy when people are capable and they're smart and when they have a ton of experience. But having that sense of humility and having the curiosity we talked about and really just like, I don't need to prove to you anything because I'm confident in who I am. But I am curious as to why do you think that or where did you learn that or tell me more about that and help me understand more about where you're coming from. That just leads to a lot more peace within ourselves and with others.
[00:11:31] Speaker C: Yeah, very true. And that's kind of the journey. When you read the book, it kind of walks you on that journey. We're kind of becoming alive to how that this individual has conducted themselves and carried themselves and interacted with others and the war that's brought in his heart in that conflict. It's pretty powerful and it's done well, it's written well. But again, it's just interesting to watch this transformation take place when you can become alive to the fact there might be some things I'm at war with and some people I'm at war with. Do I want that to be what continues?
[00:11:58] Speaker B: Yeah, because at the end of the day, we have to all lay down and hopefully rest well and feel like we did a decent job with the opportunities that crossed our paths and get a good night's rest and start fresh in the morning.
[00:12:09] Speaker C: Yeah. And I think just from an impact standpoint, relationally, what is it that I want to be able to look upon and really see what kind of impact I've had. It's finished up our 21 Laws series and the last law is legacy. And it really kind of challenges you to think about. Okay. I said to the always challenge, just so we're clear, every one of you is a legacy lever. We all are, every single one of us. And when we hear those things, we often think about, oh yeah, sure. But we don't often think of a negative legacy, we often just think of a positive legacy. Right. And I always have to remind people though it goes both ways. And I think at kind of end of it kind of view of things, right. Sort of what I want that to look like really is impactful in what we study here, right? Sort of knowing about, well, what legacy do I want to leave and how am I living it? What's that look like? And so that can be a legacy of war or it can be a legacy of peace. And from a related relationship standpoint, I think the effort and energies that are placed into coming alongside people and helping people and doing those kind of things is the legacy we should be pursuing, right? That should be the legacy we should achieve in our lives. Because that's when I think it is incredibly transferable to those that we kind of pass the baton to. But we also have to be alive to the fact we can create a legacy that it's of war, that we've done nothing to foster those relationships because our focuses have been entirely internal and it's never been outward towards others and what their wants, their needs, their desires or their aspirations are. And I think when we think about this book and you read this book, I think it's a powerful one because there really is an element of legacy there to sort of evaluate it in a sense of after this time frame because a lot of those bells you can't go back and unring. So the reality of is, okay, what do I control? I only control from today moving forward. Whatever's done is done, sir. But just to be aware of, okay, where am I going? Am I going towards a heart of war or a heart of peace? What's it going to cost me?
[00:13:51] Speaker B: Yeah. And when you retire and they throw the retirement party, they're crying because you're leaving. They're not celebrating that you're finally going. Right, right.
[00:14:01] Speaker C: Thank God it's over.
[00:14:02] Speaker B: Yeah.
Thought that guy was never going to leave. Yeah, wait until he was 83. No, just kidding. Well, this has been an amazing conversation.
Yeah. Thanks for talking about these different components of the Arbinger training. And it's nice to know that there's some top down buy in with this, and then it'll eventually trickle down to the rest of us.
[00:14:25] Speaker C: Yes, it will.
[00:14:25] Speaker B: The books are available everywhere.
[00:14:27] Speaker C: You can get them audible. I got them on audible. Amazon. Arbinger sells them as well. Yeah, they're out there. They've been around for a while. Really would encourage, especially anatomy of Peace and Leadership and self deception. They're a great parable read. Really like them a lot. So, again, really encourage anybody's out there listening, take advantage of them.
[00:14:43] Speaker B: Yeah. Awesome. Okay, Brian. Well, thank you so much.
[00:14:45] Speaker C: Thank you.
[00:14:46] Speaker B: Have an amazing day. All right, take care.
[00:14:48] Speaker C: Bye.
[00:14:49] Speaker A: PGTI University is the customer education team for an entire family of brands. We began with the original Easy Breeze porch enclosure line, then became PGT, america's leading brand of impact resistant windows and doors. We then added CGI. CGIC Windor Western Window Systems, new South Windows, Echo Windows and Doors, Anlin Windows and Doors. And our latest acquisition, Martin Garage Doors. We create products built to withstand major storms, keeping people safe, secure, and prepared. Our exceptional brands give you the protection you need without compromising design or functionality. PGT University is here to educate you, our listener, so that you can be a more informed consumer of window indoor products.
