[00:00:05] Speaker A: Welcome to the Clear Impact Podcast, brought to you by PGTI University. Thanks for joining us today. My name is Sherry Connor and I am your host.
Well, good afternoon.
[00:00:17] Speaker B: We are here on the Clear Impact podcast and we are back in our leadership series with Brian Lingle. Welcome back, Brian.
[00:00:25] Speaker C: Thanks for having me. Good to be here.
[00:00:26] Speaker B: Yeah, it's good to have you back. So we are talking about the series of books from Arbinger, and this was a leadership initiative that you've been working on from the Arbinger Institute. And it's basically three books. And so this episode is going to be about the first book, which is The Outward Mindset. So I love to just make sure people understand what definitions are. And so how do you define mindset?
[00:00:52] Speaker C: I really look at mindset in regards to sort of that underlying sort of process that we have and how we're thinking, how we're seeing things or seeing others in regards to what's formulating that mindset, how is it being impacted, if you will. So I think from that standpoint of how do we address how I see you in regards to who you are and that can be impacted based off our relationship, how you're behaving towards me, your actions you're taking, or not taking, if you will, really kind of set that mindset that I have with me, that I carry around with me, that every time I see you, an interaction we have or something that goes on really colors how I respond to you and what that looks like.
[00:01:31] Speaker B: So the perceptions and maybe even some attitude could be a lot of different things.
[00:01:36] Speaker C: It's everything that makes that up. It can be what's known or assumed or what's unknown in many. So, you know, Arbin does a great job of addressing those kind of things from the standpoint of just how do these things get set, what's that look like? But it really does come down to how do I see you? What's that look like? And that kind of comes into the sort of conversation around am I in the box or am I out of the box?
[00:01:58] Speaker B: Okay.
[00:01:59] Speaker C: Really is what that talks about.
[00:02:00] Speaker B: So one of the things this is just a question that I came up with, if I remember right, in the book, it talks about most of us have an inward mindset which would be in the box. Right? And that's generally where we think of ourselves first and others second. So I need to get this project done and why aren't you helping me, that kind of thing.
[00:02:19] Speaker C: Exactly.
[00:02:19] Speaker B: And so how do we change that?
[00:02:21] Speaker C: Well, I think a lot of that, first and foremost, you have to want to why is it that we think of ourselves first? Let's be honest. Well, because we're selfish. It's just a reality that we have to deal with. And so I think it's first and foremost is to be real about that. Right? Just to understand that really comes back to that part. At the end of the day, can I see you as a person, as an individual? Can I see your wants, needs and your desires? Am I alive to that at all, or am I simply blinded by the box that I'm in? Because it's all about me. So I think it's just understanding that I'm operating in that regard, whatever that might be, whatever that is. So I think it's first and foremost just being alive to that. Right. Just being aware of, okay, that's where I'm at. And then how do I move it from there? Right. A lot of our training, we go through what we call self betrayal. We talk a lot about how we have impulses or desires to come alongside somebody or to help someone, but we jettison that because we betray that impulse or that desire, and we immediately go in the box. And then once we go into that process of being in the box, once we're there, now we have to justify being there. So I need to paint you in such a way that it satisfies my justification.
[00:03:35] Speaker B: Okay.
[00:03:36] Speaker C: So a lot of that is sort of that process of when you think about, okay, how do we get out of the box? Well, it's first and foremost not betraying, if you will, when we have an impulse or desire to help and do something. Right. Because if I don't do that, if I betray that, then I'm going to color you in such a way that I'm going to justify my behaviors. Here's the example that I always use, one of the ones that's always pretty passionate for me when I'm driving home. And as I come into my neighborhood, I come around a turn, and I can see my house, and I can see as I turn, I see more and more of the front yard, and I finally get to the curb edge where the street is, and I'll see trash cans sitting by the curb. Right now, immediately, that's an invitation for me to choose to be in the box or out of the box. Because I shouldn't see trash cans.
[00:04:22] Speaker B: No, because someone else who has not been at work all day may have been able to bring those up.
[00:04:28] Speaker C: Exactly.
[00:04:28] Speaker B: And why didn't they?
[00:04:29] Speaker C: Why didn't they?
[00:04:30] Speaker B: And don't they know how hard you worked and how thoughtless you got it?
[00:04:35] Speaker C: You're an expert.
[00:04:35] Speaker B: I know.
[00:04:36] Speaker C: Got this down pat trash can sitting.
[00:04:38] Speaker B: In front of my driveway yesterday when I pulled in, I was like, really?
[00:04:41] Speaker C: Yeah. That kind of is really at the heart of this is, okay, what do I assume in that environment? Right. There's a lot of things that are true and real in what's going on there. But if I can be alive to in that moment that if I stay there, my interaction with my son is going to be tainted by that box that I just jumped in so it's just sort of understanding that I can still address those issues and those things. Because this is not about soft or hard behaviors. This is not about that. This is about how I interact and see him as a person and not as an object in some way, shape or form or an irrelevancy or a vehicle to get the cans from the curb to the side of the house. So it really is addressing those kind of things. So the staying out of the box or being outward is a daily struggle because he didn't bring the cans back and he's supposed to and that's his job. Right.
But that doesn't mean that I have to be inward towards him in how I address that situation or that circumstance. Because it colors that interaction in many ways where it can be far more negative because I've allowed that box to blind me to what might be going on in his life. So from a relationship standpoint, it really can put a gap in between you and that individual because you haven't even been alive to what's going on in their life. Again, it's not about soft or hard. I can still address the failed behavior with that, but do that in an outward manner, not inward to separate the.
[00:06:11] Speaker B: Behavior from the person. Because it's not that he's lazy.
[00:06:14] Speaker C: Could be he is lazy or maybe.
[00:06:16] Speaker B: He just got busy and wasn't thinking about it because it's not a priority.
[00:06:20] Speaker C: I don't know. Do I? Yeah, right. I might have things that are going on within me that I've done experientially with him that would lead me towards the fact that I would just come out of that say he's just lazy.
Right. Because those experiences right. But in that moment I haven't interacted with him, I haven't talked with him, I don't know what's going on with him. I don't know.
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[00:06:59] Speaker B: Maybe he broke his.
[00:07:03] Speaker C: Mean. He better have broken his leg.
[00:07:07] Speaker B: That would be the only reasonable excuse.
[00:07:10] Speaker C: Okay. Yeah, you're right. You're okay? It's like a compound fracture. I'll let it go this time. Next time I want the cans back.
[00:07:16] Speaker B: Right.
[00:07:17] Speaker C: Because again, it's not like this is some fairiest tale kind of like perfect world because we're dealing with things that are done and not done, not executed, not handled. But this training really gets us to understand I can still address all of that and do so in a way that is still outward and sees that person as a human being. Right. I always joke when I'm doing leadership training. I've been doing this 20 plus years. Right. Why is it that I have to talk to you and teach you to treat another human being like a human being. Why is that something that is really present in our world today and something that really that is happening today right. That we have to address leaders about the fact that that's a human being. They have worth, they have value, they matter that ought to come through in how you interact with them, how you speak with them, how you hold them accountable, all the hard things. That's all part of what we're talking about here. It's not again, it's not in any way, shape or form excusing behaviors and things that aren't done. And that's not what we're talking about. There's nothing to do with it. But it's all about how I can do that in a way that still treats you and respects you and shows you dignity and honor and yet still gets you to understand. Trash cans got to come back. That's just part of the deal.
[00:08:26] Speaker B: So how do you do that? So when you walk in the house, do you go, hey, what's up?
[00:08:30] Speaker C: Yeah. I think it's all about addressing those things, but a way that where it's not something else that's leading. So look, at the end of the day, so let's say that we go back to this and we threw out that word lazy. What if that is a reality for this individual? What if as a true struggle in their operation in life? Does that make sense?
[00:08:47] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:08:47] Speaker C: If that's the real, then you probably.
[00:08:49] Speaker B: Don'T need to remind them. They're probably already struggling with it.
[00:08:51] Speaker C: They're probably already struggling with it.
[00:08:53] Speaker B: And they already know.
[00:08:53] Speaker C: They already know. But how do I truly come alongside someone that I care about and try to support them and help them in a way that helps them see that this is something we have to address? Just from the standpoint of if this is something that's dogging your steps and really is consuming you in the midst of things, this is going to have impacts in your life.
[00:09:11] Speaker B: Sure.
[00:09:11] Speaker C: Right. And so if I care about you, I truly want to help you not have that. So how do I form the best relationship possible with you to help you see beyond that? Because I agree with what you're saying. I think a lot of times there is a reality of ownership that exists within the individual that you don't have to yell at me and tell me I'm lazy. I already know that I'm lazy.
[00:09:32] Speaker B: Right.
[00:09:33] Speaker C: Thanks. But we're not bridging this relationship any better. Right. So when I'm inward in those situations, a lot of times I cannot even get to the heart of the matter for all of the other stuff that's in the way. And the only thing that's heard from me is not what needs to be heard. So again, I think from an inward outward kind of thing, when I'm outward, I'm far more able to address the heart matters that are here and still have hard conversations to really try to address part of this. Overcoming this is doing what I don't feel like doing. That's just the reality of it. Right.
[00:10:05] Speaker B: Which is why the trash cans are still there because that's what he didn't feel like doing it either. So we're all fighting the same kind.
[00:10:11] Speaker C: Of battles and that's a big part too. Amen. That's a huge part of that. Right. Who isn't?
[00:10:16] Speaker B: Right?
[00:10:17] Speaker C: But yet ultimately being able to have that kind of a conversation from an outward standpoint to be able to really address ultimately you're willing to work in these areas. If you're willing to dig in, if you're willing to do these things, you can overcome them. And with that, a lot of times what you see is success and trying to help with that. So I think it's all about inward, outward. If I could be outward, I know I probably am going to get there, dress, the heart matters. If I'm inward, I probably won't scratch the surface.
[00:10:42] Speaker B: Right. And at the end of the day, when you're talking about a family relationship, losing a child or having a damaged relationship over a chore that'll haunt you forever, it will.
[00:10:52] Speaker C: Those are bells you can't unring.
[00:10:53] Speaker B: No, for sure.
[00:10:54] Speaker C: Right.
[00:10:54] Speaker B: That takes on a totally different context when you're talking about work though.
Wow.
[00:10:59] Speaker C: Yeah, but I mean, I think even in the work situation, even in those relationships and even how we're building those things with team members, I think it's so critically important for organizations to understand the impact of leadership. Statistically, you look at this, 70% of people leave a job not because of the job, but because of the leader. In a job market where we're fighting for every soul, you can't afford to have leadership that operates in an inward manner in our work environment today, how things used to be done years ago is no longer acceptable. The generations that we operate with and live within now, there's a different mindset just trying in with what we're talking about in regards to what that looks like. So I think even navigating through those kind of pitfalls that are potentially there is having leadership that is really alive to these are human beings I'm working with. And if I interact with them to build that relationship, to get connected with them, what's that foster in regards to their wanting to be a part of this team? And I think that's huge.
[00:11:56] Speaker B: And to not quietly quit because I think I saw this week unemployment is like three and a half percent, which is crazy low. And I mean, I know I'm fortunate. I have an amazing leader and I'm loyal. Whatever team, whatever we're doing, I'm with you, man. I'm following you.
[00:12:11] Speaker C: So it's powerful stuff when we get a hold of it and we can get leaders to embrace it. But it's a lot of hard work.
[00:12:15] Speaker B: Yeah, well, I'm excited about this. Is there anything else we want to talk about in terms of The Outward Mindset book one.
[00:12:21] Speaker C: No, I think just really what we covered, I think this foundationally understanding, even sort of, like I said, questioning and asking yourself, where is my mindset in this moment? What lens am I viewing it through? I think if we could just become alive to that in our lives, when we think about how we are impacted by certain triggers that we might see that would have us betray our initial desires to really serve and care for somebody else, and then the justification process that we go through just to be alive to that. If I'm really executing a court case in my mind about the guilt of somebody, I'm probably in the box, probably got my mindset somewhere where it shouldn't be. And then just to kind of think about that, here's what I'll say about this to our audience. When you really start when you're honest about this, when you really start taking this stuff in and you really start thinking about this stuff, it is amazing what you'll find. It really is. It is amazing. When you just stop and think about interactions, relationships and things that you're doing, it is amazing how many of these words will just start populating up in your thought life, like, I'm in the box. I'm betraying myself. I mean, I've seen it over and over with hundreds of people that we've worked with where they're just like, wow. Once you get this stuff in your head, you really become alive to the fact of, like, wow, I'm in the box right now towards this person because of what they're doing or what they're saying and how I'm responding to it. It's pretty powerful.
[00:13:41] Speaker B: All right, so that is the book called The Outward Mindset, and that is by the Arbinger Institute. So even if you don't go through formal training or become certified like you've done, pick up the book, read through it, it's available everywhere. Right? And it's powerful stuff.
[00:13:56] Speaker C: Yes, it is.
[00:13:56] Speaker B: All right, great. So we're going to talk about the next two books in our next two episodes. So we'll be back.
[00:14:01] Speaker C: All right, sounds good.
[00:14:02] Speaker B: Thanks. Thanks, Brian.
[00:14:04] Speaker A: PGTI University is the customer education team for an entire family of brands. We began with the original Easy Breeze Porch enclosure line, then became PGT, america's leading brand of impact resistant windows and doors. We then added CGI. CGIC Windor Western Window Systems, new South Windows, Echo Windows and Doors, Anlin Windows and Doors. And our latest acquisition, Martin Garage Doors. We create products built to withstand major storms, keeping people safe, secure, and prepared. Our exceptional brands give you the protection you need without compromising design or functionality. PGTI University is here to educate you, our listener, so that you can be a more informed consumer of window indoor products.
